Sunday, January 10, 2010

do i love you enough?

"Do you love me enough to let me go?"

do i?
I was listening to Switchfoot's Hello Hurricane album, the song "Enough To Let Me Go", and I thought of you.

i keep thinking about where we're at, how much i've learned from you, and how much our friendship has allowed God to affirm me and see more of him in you.

now that we're in a new place the question comes up, do i love you enough to let you go?
i know you're not going anywhere.
i know our friendship is strong; rooted in Jesus, trust in one another, and the reality of our brokenness.
and i know that God is good and has my best interests in mind.
there's great comfort in these.

see the problem is that i trust you and i trust me.
do i trust God and his plan for me?
not necessarily, especially since i can't see it.

fall quarter i felt the Lord asking me to let go, but i wasn't feeling it. i didn't want to.
now i see it, i see the ways in which letting go was protection, a whisper of guidance in love for me.
this whole process has been me learning how to have a process of learning how to trust men; men who have typically hurt me in the past.

i praise the Lord for his mercy, patience and immense grace in freeing me from my emotional dependence on a man. i praise him that i can share and live life with men in order to create a full picture of the image of God (see Genesis).

at this point, you're probably thinking back to my initial question, "do i love you enough to let you go?"
the answer, yes. it will be hard, and some days will be more difficult than others, but i love you so much that i can't wait to see the happiness that the Lord has for you in seeing more of Him. in whatever form it comes.

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