Monday, December 7, 2009

Dancing thoughts swirling around.

I often find myself with dancers,
movement
or the sensation of dancing
floating in my head.

I'll be walking back to my room,
or off to class
and I'll think of a dance move to do.

Most of the time
it doesn't matter.
I can't do most of it anyway.

At the same time,
I wonder when I will.
If that thing that my heart and my head desire are
achievable.

If it is a desire,
it should be attainable.
Right?

So the question is:
am I willing to risk looking like a fool,
working from square one
in order to achieve it?

Do I believe it's worth it?

Time to get my butt back in dance class.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

You are home.

There's something about coming back to UCLA.
A freedom, a release.
Something.
I feel free.

Maybe it is because here I have a room.
Sure a room I share with a friend,
but still my own.

Sometimes it is an escape
a way for me to dissipate
all the fears, drama and tears
that I feel often when the car appears.

The dread I feel at going home
not knowing what the reception will be
or who will be home.

But when we make our way back
back to school
I feel like I can breathe

I feel like home is here.

Maybe it's because my second family is here
or because I don't have to worry about
sharing about what Jesus is doing
in me and through me
without making family uncomfortable
or cutting me off.

Or maybe it's because I have space here
space to process, take risks, enjoy both
the sunshine and the rain

Staying up late to either watch the first glimpses of sun
or just take time to write
when it seems like everyone is asleep.

This feels like home
'cause i see You here
I see You in the faces of my family,
in the faces of those who seek You.

I see You in the ways you have manifested
Yourself in me.
the change that you created,
the inspiration you've breathed in.
in the confidence I possess
as I type these words.

As difficult as it is to see You
in my geographical home,
that is my prayer, that I'd see You.

That I'd see You in all your splendor,
even in a space that has become
a place of chaos.

I pray that I would choose
what it means to see You
in that place as I do here.

Saturday, December 5, 2009