Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Shadows II

The shadows fall behind
The anger, the anxiety, the fear
How could I forget
That you were always so near

A great relief sets in
I know you are here
And you do not fret
Through my hesitation and despair

My heart overflows
I grin from ear to ear
For I cannot easily forget
The sacrifice that brought me cheer

My love for you is limitless
For I am certain
It is clear
That I am cherished
That I am dear


The shadows fall behind
How could I be so blind
It was always there in my mind
I just did not want to see

You offer me the greatest desire
A love stronger than anyone's ire
Your protection deeper than the sea
A passion as hot as fire

I fell in love with the elusive dream
One that seemed so out of reach
A dream that is suddenly
The sole reason why my heart beats

To Dad:

Hi Daddy.
It will soon be my 21st birthday; I wish you were here to spend it with me. I wish that you would understand that I need you in my life, that I want to walk with you down the street, hold your hand and smile up at you like I once did sixteen years ago.
I already forgave you.
Now inside my heart I want to hold you and call you Daddy. Who knows if that day will ever come.

This is what I wrote during a Spanish class; I should have been listening, but my mind seemed consumed with finding him and knowing him as a daughter should.

However, my amazing Father gave me a great image on a night when I felt so alone; he gave me that same image I longed for: being held by the hand, and not walking down a street, but walking by the ocean (my favorite place) and to mind came this:

My God has called me daughter
there is nothing more precious to me
than the way he holds my hand
and draws me near

I can't describe what it means to feel that kind of love; to have it wrap around you. The closest I can get is how heat envelops you during summer and how you can't seem to escape it. That's how it feels, and I'll admit, there is nothing I'd have instead.