Wednesday, September 1, 2010

When Love is Misunderstood

I had spent just about 14 days in our home. You know, post Fresno. I had spent days living, laughing, and eating at home with my mom and my sister. I had even been able to talk to my eldest sister on the phone. It had been a pretty good time, although I was starting to grow bored at the reality of not doing much of anything at home. No job, no volunteer site, nothing to do while my mom and sister were at work. Nothing to do until about 5pm.
I finally decided to be useful. I decided to clean up the kitchen, the place that we all use, but refuse to clean. I decided to wash up dishes, clean up the counters, sweep the floor. I thought, "What a great way to show my family what I learned in Fresno, about servanthood. They're sure to notice a change and ask about it." I finally felt useful.

My mom walked in and asked, "Haber, Sol, dime lo que quieres hacer." In the tone that implied that I was in trouble. She had asked, "Alright, Sol, tell me what you want to do." I explained that I just wanted to help out, by cleaning. By making a more suitable space for her and my sister since they were at work all day.

I felt like I had overstepped boundaries. The tone my mom used was one that told me that she was not happy. I didn't know what to do, did I choose this as the time to explain that I just wanted to serve her? Did I tell her that I didn't want us to live in the mess we'd created for ourselves over the summer? I wanted to explain that I had learned this past summer more about Jesus' love and what it means to serve people even when I'm tired, and because she's my mom, because this is my family...I wanted to do the same for them.

I didn't do either. I decided to let her assume that I was just doing it 'cause I was bored. Because I didn't want to watch tv anymore. It was an opportunity lost for my family to know a little more about why I do what I do. And now I regret it, I regret not taking the risk and telling her.

And so I wait for another chance to explain. And for her to see my love for her through Jesus.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

It's never too late to revisit that conversation. It would be awkward and a bit of a risk, but you could still explain the heart of why you did what you did. Just a thought. :)

I miss you. Let's get together soon! <3