I want to be loved, like everyone else.
I want to know that I am cherished by someone, that someone is living because I am.
That they look forward to seeing me, holding me, and making me smile.
A smile that only they see.
I want to be in love.
I am amazed at how you love me.
You wake me with a song, a smile, the sunrise...
It really doesn't matter, you make me smile and you make me truly happy.
I know I am cherished by you, you tell me almost every day.
I know I am loved unconditionally by you, you are the one that chose me.
I know life wouldn't be the same without you, the relationship we have is one of the ages.
The love I receive from you is one so beautiful that I could weep, and sometimes I do.
Your reminder of me being your beloved one often strikes me.
I can hardly understand how much love you have for me.
I shouldn't be loved by you this way.
You give me joy to smile and live day to day.
You shower me with love, my heart overflows with it.
And I dance and sing because you do.
"He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will...rejoice over you with singing."
I am Your beloved.
[Quotation from Zephaniah 3:17]
Friday, July 24, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
No apologies.
A part of me greatly wishes that I had an open heart, an open heart that were open to everything and everyone that came my way, a heart that was willing to love unconditionally.
There are people I wish I had let walk into my heart instead of shutting the door and causing to turn away. However, I know that my heart has become guarded for a reason, not everyone has loved me as they should, have inflicted more pain than good and have left me regretting the fact that they were in my life. Although I regret that you caused me pain, I am glad that you taught me what you did and that I am both stronger and wiser for it.
Often I wish that God would take away that pain and that you would be erased, for my life was greatly molded by you, my view of your gender and my opinion of most of the human race. Although that is my wish, I am also glad that I do not get to dictate my life, I am glad that the pain remains and that I get to remember both the good and the bad as well as cherish the love that has been given to me so freely by those that He has given me to both love and laugh beside me.
I don't apologize for the anger that sometimes still rages within, the frustration in wanting you near... I don't apologize because I know that restoration is not of me, but of the One that loved me. I don't apologize because it is because of you that I got to know that love, the love that continues to free me and save me as I continue to walk along this path that seems to bring me only pain and forgive you all the same.
I pray that one day you get to share in my forgiveness and compassion for you, and that you're able to forgive yourself. Although you caused pain, God meant to use it for good (Genesis 50:20); and for that I can love that much more deeply, and I sincerely hope that you're able to share in that with me. Someday.
There are people I wish I had let walk into my heart instead of shutting the door and causing to turn away. However, I know that my heart has become guarded for a reason, not everyone has loved me as they should, have inflicted more pain than good and have left me regretting the fact that they were in my life. Although I regret that you caused me pain, I am glad that you taught me what you did and that I am both stronger and wiser for it.
Often I wish that God would take away that pain and that you would be erased, for my life was greatly molded by you, my view of your gender and my opinion of most of the human race. Although that is my wish, I am also glad that I do not get to dictate my life, I am glad that the pain remains and that I get to remember both the good and the bad as well as cherish the love that has been given to me so freely by those that He has given me to both love and laugh beside me.
I don't apologize for the anger that sometimes still rages within, the frustration in wanting you near... I don't apologize because I know that restoration is not of me, but of the One that loved me. I don't apologize because it is because of you that I got to know that love, the love that continues to free me and save me as I continue to walk along this path that seems to bring me only pain and forgive you all the same.
I pray that one day you get to share in my forgiveness and compassion for you, and that you're able to forgive yourself. Although you caused pain, God meant to use it for good (Genesis 50:20); and for that I can love that much more deeply, and I sincerely hope that you're able to share in that with me. Someday.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Dear Sol,
I am currently reading a book called, War Letters by Andrew Carroll; it is a collection of letters written by men and women in the Armed Forces since the Civil War (up to the Persian War and the Gulf War). It is a book that has engaged by own knowledge of what is happening in the battle field, especially for military men and women and their families.
After stumbling upon this letter on page 214, I immediately came to the realization of what it must mean to receive a letter from a loved one, especially one that you do not desire to get.
Dear Sol,
I know its been quite some time since you last heard from me and no doubt you've been wondering why the long absence. This is by far the most difficult thing I've had to do and you must realize how much it pains me to do this.
I've always been honest with you Sol & I believe you deserve only the truth from me, for you yourself are so fine & wonderful a person. So I'll be perfectly honest with you, I've met someone I care for very much.
I realize too well how you must feel right now, but do you think it is fair to give only part of my devotion to you? You deserve more than that, for you are too fine a person to receive anything half way about it. And it would never be fair to either of us.
Don't think for a moment that it was your fault Sol. I don't believe it was either of our faults. Neither of us wished to have things happen as they did. It just happened & we can't do anything about it. Guess they call it fate.
You've been wonderful to me all along & I think you are one of the grandest, sincerest people I've had the honor of meeting. I'm certain you'll meet someone in the very near future who will be able to give you what I can no longer give. For someone as fine and understanding a person as you Sol deserves only the best in life.
I'm returning your gifts & the ring to your mother, which I believe is the only fair thing to do. Thank her & your Dad for being so wonderful to me. If I could spare you & them all this, believe me Sol, I would, but I see no way.
Please try to find some forgiveness in your heart, for I honestly didn't want it to end this way, but I guess it just had to be.
I'd like very much to remain friends but that of course is entirely up to you.
Here's wishing you the very best in life, for all who know you, know full well, that you certainly deserve it. Good luck to you always & here's wishing you a happy voyage home & soon.
Annette.
The reason this letter was so powerful is because that is my name to whom it is addressed. It was interesting to flip through and see your name staring at you. Reading this letter broke my heart, having been in a situation where I wondered about a potential relationship, this letter arrived just in time. :)
After stumbling upon this letter on page 214, I immediately came to the realization of what it must mean to receive a letter from a loved one, especially one that you do not desire to get.
Dear Sol,
I know its been quite some time since you last heard from me and no doubt you've been wondering why the long absence. This is by far the most difficult thing I've had to do and you must realize how much it pains me to do this.
I've always been honest with you Sol & I believe you deserve only the truth from me, for you yourself are so fine & wonderful a person. So I'll be perfectly honest with you, I've met someone I care for very much.
I realize too well how you must feel right now, but do you think it is fair to give only part of my devotion to you? You deserve more than that, for you are too fine a person to receive anything half way about it. And it would never be fair to either of us.
Don't think for a moment that it was your fault Sol. I don't believe it was either of our faults. Neither of us wished to have things happen as they did. It just happened & we can't do anything about it. Guess they call it fate.
You've been wonderful to me all along & I think you are one of the grandest, sincerest people I've had the honor of meeting. I'm certain you'll meet someone in the very near future who will be able to give you what I can no longer give. For someone as fine and understanding a person as you Sol deserves only the best in life.
I'm returning your gifts & the ring to your mother, which I believe is the only fair thing to do. Thank her & your Dad for being so wonderful to me. If I could spare you & them all this, believe me Sol, I would, but I see no way.
Please try to find some forgiveness in your heart, for I honestly didn't want it to end this way, but I guess it just had to be.
I'd like very much to remain friends but that of course is entirely up to you.
Here's wishing you the very best in life, for all who know you, know full well, that you certainly deserve it. Good luck to you always & here's wishing you a happy voyage home & soon.
Annette.
The reason this letter was so powerful is because that is my name to whom it is addressed. It was interesting to flip through and see your name staring at you. Reading this letter broke my heart, having been in a situation where I wondered about a potential relationship, this letter arrived just in time. :)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Songs of 2008
So these are all songs that resonated in my mind or my heart during the year 2008. I tend to write down song lyrics that speak to me, and these are the ones that I found written from January thru December of 2008.
- Delicate-Damien Rice
- The Closing of the Doors
- Gentle Savior- David Phelps
- Wonderful- Everclear
- Lucky Star- Debbie Reynolds
- Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol
- First Cut Is the Deepest- Sheryl Crowe
- Twist of Fate- U2
- My Desire- Kirk Franklin
- "God Who Answers Prayer", Psalm 65
- Who Am I?- Point of Grace
- When You Believe- Prince of Egypt
- When Love Takes You In- Steven Curtis Chapman
- Moment Made for Worshipping- Steven Curtis Chapman
- Unify Us, Purify Us
- You Said
- Blessed Be Your Name
- None, But Jesus
- Let Go- Grey Holiday
- I Will Follow You
- Temprano yo te buscare
- Cry In My Heart- Starfield
- Everlasting- Hillsong
- You Dance Over Me
- The More I Seek You
- Just Want You Around- Lauryn Hill
- Broken- Lifehouse
- Learning to Breathe- Switchfoot
- You- Switchfoot
- This is Home- Switchfoot
- Wait for Me- Rebecca St. James
- Coming Home- John Legend
- Hold You in My Arms- Ray LaMontagne
Silent Whispers
Silent whispers
And all I can understand
Is that the world I know
is slipping away
The uncertainty makes me nervous
But I know that if I am patient
I will hear You once more
The pieces fall one at a time
They confuse me
How do they fit so closely together?
I do not understand
I never asked You for this!
Yet you give it so freely,
a dream from what seems like
from another lifetime
Your silent whispers
I am learning to trust them
To heed your direction
And understand You will not
Steer me wrong
I believe You
And I trust in You
My only fear is that I am not enough
That I am not enough for the calling
or Your service
November 8, 2008 1:48 a.m.
And all I can understand
Is that the world I know
is slipping away
The uncertainty makes me nervous
But I know that if I am patient
I will hear You once more
The pieces fall one at a time
They confuse me
How do they fit so closely together?
I do not understand
I never asked You for this!
Yet you give it so freely,
a dream from what seems like
from another lifetime
Your silent whispers
I am learning to trust them
To heed your direction
And understand You will not
Steer me wrong
I believe You
And I trust in You
My only fear is that I am not enough
That I am not enough for the calling
or Your service
November 8, 2008 1:48 a.m.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Hug Me (Please)
Abrazame by Camila
Tienes que saber
Que es lo último que pido,
Que estoy desesperado
Y según mis latidos
No me queda mucho
Tiempo a mi favor.
Y antes de perder
De vista mi camino
Quiero mirarte un poco
Y soñar que el destino
Es junto a tí, mi amor.
Quédate un segundo aquí
A hacerme compañía,
Y quédate tantito más
Quiero sentirte mía.
CORO
Y abrázame... y abrázame...
Y abrázame... y abrázame...
Hoy me he dado cuenta
Que no había sentido
Tanto miedo antes,
Que yo no decido
Que Dios lo hace mejor.
Y antes de perder
De vista mi camino
Quiero mirarte un poco
Y soñar que el destino
Es junto a tí, mi amor.
Quédate un segundo aquí
A hacerme compañía,
Y quédate tantito más
Quiero sentirte mía.
CORO
Dame una razón para quedarme
Yo no quiero tu compasión,
Quiero que estes conmigo
Hasta que me haya ido...
CORO (x2)
Tienes que saber
Que es lo último que pido,
Que estoy desesperado
Y según mis latidos
No me queda mucho
Tiempo a mi favor...
I guess I'm on a Camila/any-sappy-song-will-do phase. Honestly, i just really like this song.
Yes, it's up on YouTube, it's beautiful. Listen. :)
Tienes que saber
Que es lo último que pido,
Que estoy desesperado
Y según mis latidos
No me queda mucho
Tiempo a mi favor.
Y antes de perder
De vista mi camino
Quiero mirarte un poco
Y soñar que el destino
Es junto a tí, mi amor.
Quédate un segundo aquí
A hacerme compañía,
Y quédate tantito más
Quiero sentirte mía.
CORO
Y abrázame... y abrázame...
Y abrázame... y abrázame...
Hoy me he dado cuenta
Que no había sentido
Tanto miedo antes,
Que yo no decido
Que Dios lo hace mejor.
Y antes de perder
De vista mi camino
Quiero mirarte un poco
Y soñar que el destino
Es junto a tí, mi amor.
Quédate un segundo aquí
A hacerme compañía,
Y quédate tantito más
Quiero sentirte mía.
CORO
Dame una razón para quedarme
Yo no quiero tu compasión,
Quiero que estes conmigo
Hasta que me haya ido...
CORO (x2)
Tienes que saber
Que es lo último que pido,
Que estoy desesperado
Y según mis latidos
No me queda mucho
Tiempo a mi favor...
I guess I'm on a Camila/any-sappy-song-will-do phase. Honestly, i just really like this song.
Yes, it's up on YouTube, it's beautiful. Listen. :)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Shadows II
The shadows fall behind
The anger, the anxiety, the fear
How could I forget
That you were always so near
A great relief sets in
I know you are here
And you do not fret
Through my hesitation and despair
My heart overflows
I grin from ear to ear
For I cannot easily forget
The sacrifice that brought me cheer
My love for you is limitless
For I am certain
It is clear
That I am cherished
That I am dear
The anger, the anxiety, the fear
How could I forget
That you were always so near
A great relief sets in
I know you are here
And you do not fret
Through my hesitation and despair
My heart overflows
I grin from ear to ear
For I cannot easily forget
The sacrifice that brought me cheer
My love for you is limitless
For I am certain
It is clear
That I am cherished
That I am dear
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