Way to My Heart

I have words, phrases even paragraphs of my favorite books that drift through my head at any particular time.

"until Henry was no longer afraid of flying."
"...as selfish as it was, I loved his love for me."
"...senseless violence. And so sad."
"I'm scared of me."
"Console. It's a healing word."
There are novels, articles, letters, and blog posts that make me tick. There are the friends that I have never met but seem to articulate what I have seen, felt, and continue to heal from. I call them friends having never met them. Call me crazy, I call it the reality of a wide reading list.

So if you want to know the way to my heart, it's through my reading list. There's a lot of sap in it, but also a lot of truth. Especially in the more recent stuff I've picked up. Feel free to ask me about books, and if I trust you enough, I'll unabashedly answer with the same excitement I feel when I find a new book waiting for me in my mailbox. Yep, that constitutes a good day becoming a great one.

In case you're curious, this is what I read most regularly:

Sarah Markley- you can find her at sarahmarkley(dot)com. I love her honesty, vulnerability, and the way she challenges the way I live in every blog post.

Donald Miller- Don has a blog and has written small masterpieces, Blue Like Jazz and Father Fiction: Chapters for a Fatherless Generation. He's a true hero in my book.

Dee Henderson- I'm waiting for her next book. The wait feels eternal. Dee writes Romantic Suspense, usually about men and women in the various branches of the United States military and Secret Service.

These three friends are followers of Jesus, and they write out of that. Out of the Truth they have secured in their relationship with Jesus. And that is probably why I am drawn to their writing.

Everything else is basically recommendations and repetitions of old favorites.

written words.

I've come to realize that I love the written word.
I love the fact that I can interact with different personalities, perspectives, and emotions within the words of blogs, books, articles or small quotes that appear in a fortune cookie.

Writers that are transparent, and who i read often have become friends. i laugh and excitedly wait until their next blog post, their next book. (when i finally get the book in the mail or buy it... it's an amazing day.)

Sarah Markley has become a hero to me. She is able to write with transparency, passion and truth. Her love of the word is strong, and her ability to transfer her emotions onto her writing space is incredible. She challenges me to make time to question. Question myself, why I do things, why I don't do things.

   One of the first blogs I read by Sarah was, "The REAL Real Me". It hit deep. It asked me consider the things I hide from others, and stirred that part of my soul that wants to be known by my friends.

   Sarah's a mother, a wife and as I jump into this new season of life (as I leave UCLA) Sarah's blog gives me a glimpse of what life as a mom and wife will soon be. The joys and trials of marriage, the beauty in raising daughters, all the while living a life full of hospitality, wonder and a much needed time of rest every day while walking with Jesus.
  
As I've learned more and more about myself as I read Sarah's blog, I have realized why I am addicted to the written word. She writes the way I desire to, like an open book. She gives her heart away to readers that she does not know, and she does so freely.

May my words one day reflect a heart (like Sarah's) that seeks after Jesus, seeks to be more like Him and challenges readers to do the same.

Dear Sol,

I am currently reading a book called, War Letters by Andrew Carroll; it is a collection of letters written by men and women in the Armed Forces since the Civil War (up to the Persian War and the Gulf War). It is a book that has engaged by own knowledge of what is happening in the battle field, especially for military men and women and their families.

After stumbling upon this letter on page 214, I immediately came to the realization of what it must mean to receive a letter from a loved one, especially one that you do not desire to get.

Dear Sol,
I know its been quite some time since you last heard from me and no doubt you've been wondering why the long absence. This is by far the most difficult thing I've had to do and you must realize how much it pains me to do this.
I've always been honest with you Sol & I believe you deserve only the truth from me, for you yourself are so fine & wonderful a person. So I'll be perfectly honest with you, I've met someone I care for very much.
I realize too well how you must feel right now, but do you think it is fair to give only part of my devotion to you? You deserve more than that, for you are too fine a person to receive anything half way about it. And it would never be fair to either of us.
Don't think for a moment that it was your fault Sol. I don't believe it was either of our faults. Neither of us wished to have things happen as they did. It just happened & we can't do anything about it. Guess they call it fate.
You've been wonderful to me all along & I think you are one of the grandest, sincerest people I've had the honor of meeting. I'm certain you'll meet someone in the very near future who will be able to give you what I can no longer give. For someone as fine and understanding a person as you Sol deserves only the best in life.
I'm returning your gifts & the ring to your mother, which I believe is the only fair thing to do. Thank her & your Dad for being so wonderful to me. If I could spare you & them all this, believe me Sol, I would, but I see no way.
Please try to find some forgiveness in your heart, for I honestly didn't want it to end this way, but I guess it just had to be.
I'd like very much to remain friends but that of course is entirely up to you.
Here's wishing you the very best in life, for all who know you, know full well, that you certainly deserve it. Good luck to you always & here's wishing you a happy voyage home & soon.

Annette.

The reason this letter was so powerful is because that is my name to whom it is addressed. It was interesting to flip through and see your name staring at you. Reading this letter broke my heart, having been in a situation where I wondered about a potential relationship, this letter arrived just in time. :)