cartas.

i had forgotten how restful it is for me to write.
thank you jesus, for space to write and space to know that this is indeed restful.

i'll be writing letters this week.
particularly to three friends i've never met.
two to men overseas, who i hope are reveling in the news that Osama Bin Laden's lifeless body is in possession of the United States. i pray that they are resting after celebrating tonight.

the third letter is to a friend i've never met but have read her words, and been able to encourage her. i forget that jesus is larger and more intentional than limiting relationships to face-to-face interactions.

if you'd like a letter, let me know. i'd love to write you one. :)

I made a mistake.

By not believing enough in my friends.
I have kept their things theirs, my own to myself. Their interests, their problems, their families.
I haven't wanted to fuse our lives as I now see that I should.
Meshing our stuff, our cultures, our food.
Our problems, our sin, all of our mess.

What is the point of true friendship if you don't commit to it?
The friendships I want are ones that are deep. Real.
So I'm going to start pursuing real friendships.
Talking about, and showing the things that I am passionate about. The things that I want to invest in, opening the door for them to join in with me.
Opening the door to making my friendships deep. Real.

So off the top of my head, these are the things I love. The things I invest in, the things I pray, lose sleep over, and cry over.

Military personnel: I try to write two letters every week to Soldiers and other military personnel. I have a soft spot for the military. I hope to one day make a great military friend to be able to support them while they're on deployment.

Latino issues: I love Latino people! The Lord has blessed me with a deep, deep love for the people I come from. I seek to have my life reflect the redemption that can come from having someone love their own culture while loving everyone else's. Racial rec, here I come.

The inner city: I have had the pleasure of visiting two cities, both Fresno, CA and St. Louis, MO. It was there that God affirmed and then reaffirmed my love of the inner city. I have a deep love of Fresno and St. Louis, coupled with a deep desire to go back to the places where I see God's people quite clearly.

Letter writing: I am an old soul when it comes to letters. They're my preferred mode of communication. The best day is when I go to the mailbox and and find a letter from someone I love instead of junk mail or bills.

Books: My favorite pass time. I usually read before sleeping, often staying up later than I intend because I get wrapped up in the book. Favorite authors currently are: Donald Miller, Dee Henderson, and Victor Villasenor.
So if you'd like to get to know me better, (even if we've known each other for a couple years), feel free to ask me about any of these things, or tell me about the things that interest you and we'll talk about it.

out of guilt.

a character in the book i'm currently reading says that she believes her father is writing her letters out of guilt.
he writes notes of his life: his wife, his children...essentially his new family to her every month or so.

she hasn't seen him in about 10 years.

something twisted inside me.
he actually writes to her.
he probably doesn't know what to say,
where to start.

and then i thought of you.
it makes sense, you're my dad.
i think of you in situations like this.

it made me wonder why you don't write.
why even facebook isn't small enough a window
for you to initiate a superficial relationship with me.

you don't feel guilty.
you don't feel guilty to write to me dated reports
of your life. of your wife.

and that really sucks.
i'd say it sucks for you, but i really don't think it does.
'cause it looks like you really don't care.

Dear Soldier,

  I'm thinking of you tonight. I think of you on most days. I think of you on cold nights, hoping you're having hot chocolate and staying indoors. On especially warm days I hope you're able to stay out of the sand that burns and seems to get into everything.
  I pray that you have a reason to smile, that you're laughing at least sporadically while you're in the mess hall and that letters are an abundant part of this deployment instead of few and far in between. I pray that your family's been able to send you a care package filled with small things that cause you and your platoon buddies to fight over who gets what.
  I pray that you're so bored that you're figuring out who to prank next; in whose bed you'll put a lizard in next, or other creative ways to mess with each other. I'll admit, the lizard prank is my favorite, I hope you have a camera handy.
  I'm thinking of what to send you next to remind you that we're thinking of you back home, to remind you that we love you and that you are very much missed. Until I do, a letter just will have to do.

Stay Safe,
Sol

Dear Sol,

I am currently reading a book called, War Letters by Andrew Carroll; it is a collection of letters written by men and women in the Armed Forces since the Civil War (up to the Persian War and the Gulf War). It is a book that has engaged by own knowledge of what is happening in the battle field, especially for military men and women and their families.

After stumbling upon this letter on page 214, I immediately came to the realization of what it must mean to receive a letter from a loved one, especially one that you do not desire to get.

Dear Sol,
I know its been quite some time since you last heard from me and no doubt you've been wondering why the long absence. This is by far the most difficult thing I've had to do and you must realize how much it pains me to do this.
I've always been honest with you Sol & I believe you deserve only the truth from me, for you yourself are so fine & wonderful a person. So I'll be perfectly honest with you, I've met someone I care for very much.
I realize too well how you must feel right now, but do you think it is fair to give only part of my devotion to you? You deserve more than that, for you are too fine a person to receive anything half way about it. And it would never be fair to either of us.
Don't think for a moment that it was your fault Sol. I don't believe it was either of our faults. Neither of us wished to have things happen as they did. It just happened & we can't do anything about it. Guess they call it fate.
You've been wonderful to me all along & I think you are one of the grandest, sincerest people I've had the honor of meeting. I'm certain you'll meet someone in the very near future who will be able to give you what I can no longer give. For someone as fine and understanding a person as you Sol deserves only the best in life.
I'm returning your gifts & the ring to your mother, which I believe is the only fair thing to do. Thank her & your Dad for being so wonderful to me. If I could spare you & them all this, believe me Sol, I would, but I see no way.
Please try to find some forgiveness in your heart, for I honestly didn't want it to end this way, but I guess it just had to be.
I'd like very much to remain friends but that of course is entirely up to you.
Here's wishing you the very best in life, for all who know you, know full well, that you certainly deserve it. Good luck to you always & here's wishing you a happy voyage home & soon.

Annette.

The reason this letter was so powerful is because that is my name to whom it is addressed. It was interesting to flip through and see your name staring at you. Reading this letter broke my heart, having been in a situation where I wondered about a potential relationship, this letter arrived just in time. :)