Dear Sol,

I am currently reading a book called, War Letters by Andrew Carroll; it is a collection of letters written by men and women in the Armed Forces since the Civil War (up to the Persian War and the Gulf War). It is a book that has engaged by own knowledge of what is happening in the battle field, especially for military men and women and their families.

After stumbling upon this letter on page 214, I immediately came to the realization of what it must mean to receive a letter from a loved one, especially one that you do not desire to get.

Dear Sol,
I know its been quite some time since you last heard from me and no doubt you've been wondering why the long absence. This is by far the most difficult thing I've had to do and you must realize how much it pains me to do this.
I've always been honest with you Sol & I believe you deserve only the truth from me, for you yourself are so fine & wonderful a person. So I'll be perfectly honest with you, I've met someone I care for very much.
I realize too well how you must feel right now, but do you think it is fair to give only part of my devotion to you? You deserve more than that, for you are too fine a person to receive anything half way about it. And it would never be fair to either of us.
Don't think for a moment that it was your fault Sol. I don't believe it was either of our faults. Neither of us wished to have things happen as they did. It just happened & we can't do anything about it. Guess they call it fate.
You've been wonderful to me all along & I think you are one of the grandest, sincerest people I've had the honor of meeting. I'm certain you'll meet someone in the very near future who will be able to give you what I can no longer give. For someone as fine and understanding a person as you Sol deserves only the best in life.
I'm returning your gifts & the ring to your mother, which I believe is the only fair thing to do. Thank her & your Dad for being so wonderful to me. If I could spare you & them all this, believe me Sol, I would, but I see no way.
Please try to find some forgiveness in your heart, for I honestly didn't want it to end this way, but I guess it just had to be.
I'd like very much to remain friends but that of course is entirely up to you.
Here's wishing you the very best in life, for all who know you, know full well, that you certainly deserve it. Good luck to you always & here's wishing you a happy voyage home & soon.

Annette.

The reason this letter was so powerful is because that is my name to whom it is addressed. It was interesting to flip through and see your name staring at you. Reading this letter broke my heart, having been in a situation where I wondered about a potential relationship, this letter arrived just in time. :)

Songs of 2008

So these are all songs that resonated in my mind or my heart during the year 2008. I tend to write down song lyrics that speak to me, and these are the ones that I found written from January thru December of 2008.

• Delicate-Damien Rice
• The Closing of the Doors
• Gentle Savior- David Phelps
• Wonderful- Everclear
  
• Lucky Star- Debbie Reynolds
• Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol
• First Cut Is the Deepest- Sheryl Crowe
• Twist of Fate- U2
• My Desire- Kirk Franklin
• "God Who Answers Prayer", Psalm 65
  
• Who Am I?- Point of Grace
• When You Believe- Prince of Egypt
• When Love Takes You In- Steven Curtis Chapman
• Moment Made for Worshipping- Steven Curtis Chapman
• Unify Us, Purify Us
• You Said
• Blessed Be Your Name
• None, But Jesus
• Let Go- Grey Holiday
• I Will Follow You
• Temprano yo te buscare
• Cry In My Heart- Starfield
  
• Everlasting- Hillsong
• You Dance Over Me
• The More I Seek You
• Just Want You Around- Lauryn Hill
• Broken- Lifehouse
• Learning to Breathe- Switchfoot
• You- Switchfoot
• This is Home- Switchfoot
• Wait for Me- Rebecca St. James
• Coming Home- John Legend
• Hold You in My Arms- Ray LaMontagne
  

Silent Whispers

Silent whispers
And all I can understand
Is that the world I know
is slipping away

The uncertainty makes me nervous
But I know that if I am patient
I will hear You once more

The pieces fall one at a time
They confuse me
How do they fit so closely together?
I do not understand

I never asked You for this!
Yet you give it so freely,
a dream from what seems like
from another lifetime

Your silent whispers
I am learning to trust them
To heed your direction
And understand You will not
Steer me wrong

I believe You
And I trust in You
My only fear is that I am not enough
That I am not enough for the calling
or Your service

November 8, 2008 1:48 a.m.

Hug Me (Please)

Abrazame by Camila

Tienes que saber
Que es lo último que pido,
Que estoy desesperado
Y según mis latidos
No me queda mucho
Tiempo a mi favor.

Y antes de perder
De vista mi camino
Quiero mirarte un poco
Y soñar que el destino
Es junto a tí, mi amor.

Quédate un segundo aquí
A hacerme compañía,
Y quédate tantito más
Quiero sentirte mía.

CORO
Y abrázame... y abrázame...
Y abrázame... y abrázame...

Hoy me he dado cuenta
Que no había sentido
Tanto miedo antes,
Que yo no decido
Que Dios lo hace mejor.

Y antes de perder
De vista mi camino
Quiero mirarte un poco
Y soñar que el destino
Es junto a tí, mi amor.

Quédate un segundo aquí
A hacerme compañía,
Y quédate tantito más
Quiero sentirte mía.

CORO

Dame una razón para quedarme
Yo no quiero tu compasión,
Quiero que estes conmigo
Hasta que me haya ido...

CORO (x2)

Tienes que saber
Que es lo último que pido,
Que estoy desesperado
Y según mis latidos
No me queda mucho
Tiempo a mi favor...

I guess I'm on a Camila/any-sappy-song-will-do phase. Honestly, i just really like this song.
Yes, it's up on YouTube, it's beautiful. Listen. :)

Shadows II

The shadows fall behind
The anger, the anxiety, the fear
How could I forget
That you were always so near

A great relief sets in
I know you are here
And you do not fret
Through my hesitation and despair

My heart overflows
I grin from ear to ear
For I cannot easily forget
The sacrifice that brought me cheer

My love for you is limitless
For I am certain
It is clear
That I am cherished
That I am dear

Shadows

The shadows fall behind
How could I be so blind
It was always there in my mind
I just did not want to see

You offer me the greatest desire
A love stronger than anyone's ire
Your protection deeper than the sea
A passion as hot as fire

I fell in love with the elusive dream
One that seemed so out of reach
A dream that is suddenly
The sole reason why my heart beats

To Dad:

Hi Daddy.
It will soon be my 21st birthday; I wish you were here to spend it with me. I wish that you would understand that I need you in my life, that I want to walk with you down the street, hold your hand and smile up at you like I once did sixteen years ago.
I already forgave you.
Now inside my heart I want to hold you and call you Daddy. Who knows if that day will ever come.

This is what I wrote during a Spanish class; I should have been listening, but my mind seemed consumed with finding him and knowing him as a daughter should.

However, my amazing Father gave me a great image on a night when I felt so alone; he gave me that same image I longed for: being held by the hand, and not walking down a street, but walking by the ocean (my favorite place) and to mind came this:

My God has called me daughter
there is nothing more precious to me
than the way he holds my hand
and draws me near

I can't describe what it means to feel that kind of love; to have it wrap around you. The closest I can get is how heat envelops you during summer and how you can't seem to escape it. That's how it feels, and I'll admit, there is nothing I'd have instead.