Rest.

What does that even mean?
I finally learned how to rest in the summer context.
To learn what to cut out as I worked with an agency, cooked dinner, did laundry, went to church and occassionally walking to get paletas with a friend.
I learned during FUI that you have to do whatever it takes to spend time with Jesus.
There's beauty in being in a place for 6 weeks where I knew I was meant to hear from Jesus, learn more about his character, his people, and rest as I did so.

I did a lot of writing. I understand how my mind works, how my soul longs to be at ease as I go about a lot of changes.

I learned to lean on Jesus during this time. To have eyes, ears and a heart that sought what Jesus was trying to teach me. What Jesus was trying to show us, those that were His hands and feet for six weeks in downtown Fresno.

Now, I wonder what rest even means.
I know I am meant to spend time with Jesus, to learn from the situations and circumstances surrounding me. I guess the hiccup is, I don't know how to do that.
The past four years I have failed at seeing, hearing and having a heart that sought out what Jesus was teaching me; at least I've failed at doing so while studying, cooking, and taking care of extra curricular activities.

It's funny that sometimes in the midst of serving students who are seeking to see more of Jesus and striving to be more like him, I wouldn't rest. To be honest, sometimes I wouldn't just 'cause I could get away with it. I'd push to see how far I could push until I felt completely dry.

And other times, I would just get to wrapped up in doing, doing, doing. So I would claim I just couldn't rest. And then, I would be moody, cranky and less than gracious as I complained that no one cared about me. No one seemed to care that I wasn't okay. But really,

who's responsibility is it?

I compare it to a vacation. It's the best, sweetest and cheapest vacation I could take. It's a trip to the beach, an art museum (oh, LACMA and CAFAM), sitting on a grassy hill...
my time with Jesus is truly a vacation. I get to sit with my Best Friend, unload any emotional stress I'm under, go to a new place just because, and not feel guilty for it.
It is weird that I'm just now putting this all together? I guess I don't care that it took this long, 'cause it very well could have taken another 4 years.

So now I re-learn how to rest. Rest while on the run.
Bring it on.

Oh, beautiful day.

Today is one of the most amazing, blessed days I've had in a really long time.

I woke up  at 5:30 am to get ready and come back to UCLA.
I was driven back to UCLA by Mom and Sister while listening to the World Cup.
Mexico and South Africa tied that game.
I caught up with a long time friend while making breakfast.
Ate said breakfast with two new friends.
Sat around as people came in and out of her apartment.
Helped edit a personal statement.
Saw my friend HELEN SONG after a year!
And am now sitting having a (continuous) relaxing day.

Things later today:
watching the best friends I've made while in college walk to complete their college degree, and even though I won't be walking, it's going to be GREAT.
Having dinner with friends who have completed their degrees to celebrate.
Sleeping over and having late night conversations, I'm sure.

So far, a good day. And it'll probably get better. :)

things i want for my life.

beloved of the LORD.

Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields her all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.

Deuteronomy 33:12

a walk-through.

i think i learned this weekend what it means to walk through this journey.
so much of this year, my life has felt like a sprint.

i feel like this weekend i was walking...enjoying the scenery, the time, the puddles.
everything.

it was kinda beautiful.

even my work training on saturday was nice.
ha, training was nice.

praise be to God for rest.