it's true.
realizing my heart is ready to invest in a romantic relationship.
realizing that i'm no longer terrified at the prospect and knowing that i'm ready for the work and blessing at entering into a relationship that possibly could last forever.
because my heart is now steadfast when it comes to the love of the Father, I've learned to trust those around me with the most vulnerable parts of my heart.
so jesus, would you make my heart patient and ready.
would you allow me to hear your Voice of guidance.
would you prepare Him for what will become us, and would you put people in his life to reach his God-given potential.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
my soul.
i've been trying to listen.
listen to my soul.
i've noticed a dip in my mood, a tightening of my heart, a frustration, a longing, a mourning...
it's been a crazy few days.
i haven't really been able to put my finger on it.
it's in days like this that i stop and actually say, "i need a quiet place." i think of jesus in the gospel of mark, where he goes and prays in a lonely place. when he needed space to spend with the Father and just be.
however, i spent some time with jesus today and a few themes came up: fear, purpose and romantic relationships.
fear (see previous post): i'm finding myself seeing similar symptoms come up from the rest of my life. i fear giving myself completely to relationships, especially now in a new community that is still learning how to build itself. i still fear the uncertainty of relationships that may not remain when we're not living in the same city.
purpose: at this very particular moment in life i don't feel like i'm doing much. i feel like it's just a routine: work, church, home. don't get me wrong; work is great, church community is awesome, and the roomies are great. however, i don't feel like i'm giving myself to anything. i need to give myself to something that i'm passionate about, something that is linked with jesus that allows me to feel a great sense of joy.
romantic relationships: this is the one that frustrates/confuses me the most. having had my fair share of experiences with amazing men who i have developed feelings for, i wonder at what it is i am seeing and thinking. we talked in my church Bible study, about relationships and how our church and our interest in our significant other should be that they challenge us and point us to Jesus. i was amazed to notice that Shoreline is so different than my home church, and sufficiently different than InterVarsity that I have grown a lot in the last few months. and i see that in him as well. his life is awe-inspiring, one that points directly to Jesus as he shares his current struggles, his past and the role that Jesus has had in his life. i still have a lot of questions, especially since this seems to be a cycle in my life and emotions, so i wonder how this is different.
there's so much more packed into this, so much more that i have yet to wrestle out with Jesus.
a lot more that i don't want to confront or ask 'cause i'm afraid things won't work out the way i want.
jesus, would i learn to trust you in this season. with my questions and with what you're doing in my life.
amen.
listen to my soul.
i've noticed a dip in my mood, a tightening of my heart, a frustration, a longing, a mourning...
it's been a crazy few days.
i haven't really been able to put my finger on it.
it's in days like this that i stop and actually say, "i need a quiet place." i think of jesus in the gospel of mark, where he goes and prays in a lonely place. when he needed space to spend with the Father and just be.
however, i spent some time with jesus today and a few themes came up: fear, purpose and romantic relationships.
fear (see previous post): i'm finding myself seeing similar symptoms come up from the rest of my life. i fear giving myself completely to relationships, especially now in a new community that is still learning how to build itself. i still fear the uncertainty of relationships that may not remain when we're not living in the same city.
purpose: at this very particular moment in life i don't feel like i'm doing much. i feel like it's just a routine: work, church, home. don't get me wrong; work is great, church community is awesome, and the roomies are great. however, i don't feel like i'm giving myself to anything. i need to give myself to something that i'm passionate about, something that is linked with jesus that allows me to feel a great sense of joy.
romantic relationships: this is the one that frustrates/confuses me the most. having had my fair share of experiences with amazing men who i have developed feelings for, i wonder at what it is i am seeing and thinking. we talked in my church Bible study, about relationships and how our church and our interest in our significant other should be that they challenge us and point us to Jesus. i was amazed to notice that Shoreline is so different than my home church, and sufficiently different than InterVarsity that I have grown a lot in the last few months. and i see that in him as well. his life is awe-inspiring, one that points directly to Jesus as he shares his current struggles, his past and the role that Jesus has had in his life. i still have a lot of questions, especially since this seems to be a cycle in my life and emotions, so i wonder how this is different.
there's so much more packed into this, so much more that i have yet to wrestle out with Jesus.
a lot more that i don't want to confront or ask 'cause i'm afraid things won't work out the way i want.
jesus, would i learn to trust you in this season. with my questions and with what you're doing in my life.
amen.
Monday, May 17, 2010
most days.
most days i don't consider myself beautiful.
most days i don't even find myself worthy of being invested in, listened to.
the thoughts in my head swirl, saying that friends are paying attention at any given time due to manners, the fact that we're friends...
i found myself this week, feeling really uncomfortable.
feeling like i was off to the side as everyone else (it seemed) was engaging in conversation with each other, either working on stuff or catching up.
i felt awkward.
like i didn't belong.
yes, i know this isn't the reality.
the reality is that i am loved, valued and sought after because of who i am.
i am loved because of my quirks, dorkiness, and heart that i offer my friends and family.
my community.
it's difficult to see my worth and why i am loved.
the world keeps whispering that i am not good enough and that takes a toll on a soul that is wondering why on earth this community that i love so much would pursue a relationship with me after i leave.
so tonight i struggle with that.
(and pray for a better tomorrow.)
most days i don't even find myself worthy of being invested in, listened to.
the thoughts in my head swirl, saying that friends are paying attention at any given time due to manners, the fact that we're friends...
i found myself this week, feeling really uncomfortable.
feeling like i was off to the side as everyone else (it seemed) was engaging in conversation with each other, either working on stuff or catching up.
i felt awkward.
like i didn't belong.
yes, i know this isn't the reality.
the reality is that i am loved, valued and sought after because of who i am.
i am loved because of my quirks, dorkiness, and heart that i offer my friends and family.
my community.
it's difficult to see my worth and why i am loved.
the world keeps whispering that i am not good enough and that takes a toll on a soul that is wondering why on earth this community that i love so much would pursue a relationship with me after i leave.
so tonight i struggle with that.
(and pray for a better tomorrow.)
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