So sweet.

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
And to take him at his word;
Just to rest upon his promise,
And to know, "Thus saith the LORD."

Jesus, Jesus how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
And for grace to trust him more.

trees.

trees have become important to me. not solely in the day to day aspect, either.
i mean they're beautiful and i love seeing purple flowers fall off trees to make my way to class a bit lively and mystical.

now, the image of a tree has been something that reminds me of my journey with God. there was a picture of a tree on a flyer in my room, and seeing it stopped me. i can't really explain why, but after doing a little research, i dare say this is why:
"She will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit" (Jeremiah 17:8).
As I'm looking forward to next year, I want to be like this tree, one that does not fail to bear fruit (which means I'd bear fruit all the time, yes?) and that I would not fear as a drought comes.


Jesus, I want to trust who You have proven yourself to be in my life. I want to be like a tree planted by water.

The Men in My Life

They're pretty amazing.
It took me a long time to actually embrace that sentiment.
I remember when it happened though.

I remember when I went from skittish to curious, my curiosity causing me to get closer to the men.
I could name them all; the ones that have loved me unashamedly.
The men that have become my brothers, brothers deeper than blood.
They're in my heart.

Catalyst was another revelation.
Yes, I love them. Like brothers.
Yet this trust thing is still really difficult.

I had to verbally tell two of them that I pledge friendship and full trust in them.
Friendship-with all the messiness and implications. Confrontation, reconciliation, truth in how this is difficult for me.
Trust- continuing to be honest. Especially when I don't want to be.
Their response?
HUG. Huge hug.

I'm not going to lie, though the hugs were great; the blaring thought in my head was:
this is not going to be easy.

The beautiful part:
I'm actually willing to take a risk and trust these men.

And for that alone, I praise the Lord.

do i love you enough?

"Do you love me enough to let me go?"

do i?
I was listening to Switchfoot's Hello Hurricane album, the song "Enough To Let Me Go", and I thought of you.

i keep thinking about where we're at, how much i've learned from you, and how much our friendship has allowed God to affirm me and see more of him in you.

now that we're in a new place the question comes up, do i love you enough to let you go?
i know you're not going anywhere.
i know our friendship is strong; rooted in Jesus, trust in one another, and the reality of our brokenness.
and i know that God is good and has my best interests in mind.
there's great comfort in these.

see the problem is that i trust you and i trust me.
do i trust God and his plan for me?
not necessarily, especially since i can't see it.

fall quarter i felt the Lord asking me to let go, but i wasn't feeling it. i didn't want to.
now i see it, i see the ways in which letting go was protection, a whisper of guidance in love for me.
this whole process has been me learning how to have a process of learning how to trust men; men who have typically hurt me in the past.

i praise the Lord for his mercy, patience and immense grace in freeing me from my emotional dependence on a man. i praise him that i can share and live life with men in order to create a full picture of the image of God (see Genesis).

at this point, you're probably thinking back to my initial question, "do i love you enough to let you go?"
the answer, yes. it will be hard, and some days will be more difficult than others, but i love you so much that i can't wait to see the happiness that the Lord has for you in seeing more of Him. in whatever form it comes.