Honor Song

My family and I love Native American gatherings, powwows. We love the energy, the dancing, the chance to experience something that is so similar to our culture. We love watching the dancing, learning more about jewelry and animal significance (the Spirit Bear has a soft spot for me, representing wisdom, courage and strength).

The food is also amazing! Frybread is AWESOME and an Indian taco always hits the spot. Yum. :)

While watching the dancing, there are certain people that are honored during each powwow. People who are honored by the community with their own song. As the song plays, this person walks around the arena, and those that would like to honor them, shake their hand and walk behind them for the duration of the song.

I was particularly moved during the honoring of Miss UCLA Powwow 2011, who was honored with a song, began with the other candidates and was later joined by others as the song continued.

I began to wonder, if this were my honoring song, who would be beside me and behind me as the song played? Who would be those that would shake my hand and walk the rest of the arena with me? It was an interesting position to think of, my own honoring song and the people that would join me during it.

Things I am grateful for: Women's ministry events, nights watching epic movies like Gladiator, delivering packages, and Sunday mornings. Thank you, Jesus.

cartas.

i had forgotten how restful it is for me to write.
thank you jesus, for space to write and space to know that this is indeed restful.

i'll be writing letters this week.
particularly to three friends i've never met.
two to men overseas, who i hope are reveling in the news that Osama Bin Laden's lifeless body is in possession of the United States. i pray that they are resting after celebrating tonight.

the third letter is to a friend i've never met but have read her words, and been able to encourage her. i forget that jesus is larger and more intentional than limiting relationships to face-to-face interactions.

if you'd like a letter, let me know. i'd love to write you one. :)

Will:"You know you won't have any clean clothes, unless you actually...clean your clothes."
Spike:"Vicious circle."
i have to do laundry too. Haha.

Easter Saturday

Easter. Yep, it's the time of year when those who believe in Jesus Christ remember and celebrate Jesus Christ's death and resurrection.
Similar to Christmastime this past year, I've intentionally entered a time of engaging with Easter and what this means.

Good Friday. I attended my first Good Friday service Friday night. It was dramatic reading with worship, and time to reflect on what happened that night when Jesus was arrested, crucified, tortured and buried. I walked away with more questions than anything else.
What must have the time between the burial and resurrection been like?
I couldn't help but think of what this time felt like, what everyone's interactions were.

Grief. Wailing, despair, unnatural quiet among those that knew him. Crying among the women, deep silence among the men. What would these people have said to each other? Would they have spoken at all? What verbal or physical comfort was there to offer?

Was the resurrection a true hope for those that believed in these moments? I know my heart, and had I seen Jesus tortured and crucified, I'd really be wavering between disbelief in anything Jesus said about coming back to life and the hope of Jesus returning.

What about those that were yelling in the crowd to crucify Jesus? What were they feeling now? Were they satisfied at knowing Jesus' body was lying in a cold grave? Were they already remorseful of what had happened?

What about the religious leaders? Did they understand what the tearing of the curtain of the temple meant? Did they now understand who Jesus was? Was there any sense of wanting to know more of him?

I walked away with more questions. Wanting to know of a deeper understanding of what transpired in these hours, to know how those that believed coped with Jesus' death knowing he'd be alive again... yet also wondering what happened with those that didn't.

So many names are mentioned in the passages of the Bible, and we don't know what stories followed the lives of those names. What happened to the Centurion who acknowledged Jesus was the Son of God after he died? What about Barabbas, did he ever think back about Jesus taking his place?

So many questions.

My heart sings:

unto the Lord be the glory
great things He has done
unto the Lord be the glory
great things He has done


great things He has done
greater things He will do
unto the Lord be the glory
great things He has done

Amen.

Available.

I'm slowly deciding that I need to make myself available.
I kind of smirk as I type this, wondering how many of you are wondering that I might mean 'available' regarding romantic relationships.
(Also true, but not the point of this post.)

As I've sat in what feels like No Man's Land, transitioning into adulthood, I've realized that I want need to be more available. I've allowed myself to be somewhat available in the past, but I have also let my own need for security get in the way of larger leaps that Jesus has called me to.

I've chosen the word "follow" as my focus for this year, to allow Jesus to lead.
And it's been in these instances when I've allowed myself to listen, actually listen to my heart and how Jesus is leading, I've realized that I need to become more available.

Available to let my heart be shaped and transformed by Jesus. To allow the work that is being done in me continue.

Ways I want to do that or begin the process of stepping into that:

• Go on a trip to Latin America. I realize that this love that Jesus has given me for my people isn't just because, and I want to drink that in by immersing myself in an extended amount of time learning in a Latino nation.
• Be myself. I hold back a lot of myself. I don't do the really random stuff that makes me me (y'know, like, sing really loudly when a great song comes on, dance in the supermarket or shove an entire cookie in my mouth just 'cause it might make you laugh). I want to do the silly stuff that let's you know who I am, and in the process share all the really deep stuff too.
• Love by taking risks. I'm entering into a place where I want to insert myself into relationships that are risky. I want to love people I wouldn't necessarily choose with a guarded heart, I want to be open (this is where I am talking about romantic relationships as well as friendships).

There's definitely more here. I haven't formulated everything, but this is what's been rolling in my head for a little while. Trust, there will be elaboration.