Available.

I'm slowly deciding that I need to make myself available.
I kind of smirk as I type this, wondering how many of you are wondering that I might mean 'available' regarding romantic relationships.
(Also true, but not the point of this post.)

As I've sat in what feels like No Man's Land, transitioning into adulthood, I've realized that I want need to be more available. I've allowed myself to be somewhat available in the past, but I have also let my own need for security get in the way of larger leaps that Jesus has called me to.

I've chosen the word "follow" as my focus for this year, to allow Jesus to lead.
And it's been in these instances when I've allowed myself to listen, actually listen to my heart and how Jesus is leading, I've realized that I need to become more available.

Available to let my heart be shaped and transformed by Jesus. To allow the work that is being done in me continue.

Ways I want to do that or begin the process of stepping into that:

• Go on a trip to Latin America. I realize that this love that Jesus has given me for my people isn't just because, and I want to drink that in by immersing myself in an extended amount of time learning in a Latino nation.
• Be myself. I hold back a lot of myself. I don't do the really random stuff that makes me me (y'know, like, sing really loudly when a great song comes on, dance in the supermarket or shove an entire cookie in my mouth just 'cause it might make you laugh). I want to do the silly stuff that let's you know who I am, and in the process share all the really deep stuff too.
• Love by taking risks. I'm entering into a place where I want to insert myself into relationships that are risky. I want to love people I wouldn't necessarily choose with a guarded heart, I want to be open (this is where I am talking about romantic relationships as well as friendships).

There's definitely more here. I haven't formulated everything, but this is what's been rolling in my head for a little while. Trust, there will be elaboration.