Easter Saturday

Easter. Yep, it's the time of year when those who believe in Jesus Christ remember and celebrate Jesus Christ's death and resurrection.
Similar to Christmastime this past year, I've intentionally entered a time of engaging with Easter and what this means.

Good Friday. I attended my first Good Friday service Friday night. It was dramatic reading with worship, and time to reflect on what happened that night when Jesus was arrested, crucified, tortured and buried. I walked away with more questions than anything else.
What must have the time between the burial and resurrection been like?
I couldn't help but think of what this time felt like, what everyone's interactions were.

Grief. Wailing, despair, unnatural quiet among those that knew him. Crying among the women, deep silence among the men. What would these people have said to each other? Would they have spoken at all? What verbal or physical comfort was there to offer?

Was the resurrection a true hope for those that believed in these moments? I know my heart, and had I seen Jesus tortured and crucified, I'd really be wavering between disbelief in anything Jesus said about coming back to life and the hope of Jesus returning.

What about those that were yelling in the crowd to crucify Jesus? What were they feeling now? Were they satisfied at knowing Jesus' body was lying in a cold grave? Were they already remorseful of what had happened?

What about the religious leaders? Did they understand what the tearing of the curtain of the temple meant? Did they now understand who Jesus was? Was there any sense of wanting to know more of him?

I walked away with more questions. Wanting to know of a deeper understanding of what transpired in these hours, to know how those that believed coped with Jesus' death knowing he'd be alive again... yet also wondering what happened with those that didn't.

So many names are mentioned in the passages of the Bible, and we don't know what stories followed the lives of those names. What happened to the Centurion who acknowledged Jesus was the Son of God after he died? What about Barabbas, did he ever think back about Jesus taking his place?

So many questions.

when it's kinda late...

i wonder what comes next.

are You asking me to let go?
to grieve?
to jump into more, another challenge?

i honestly don't know.

all i know is that it feels pretty overwhelming; i know you don't dish out more than i can handle and i feel i am at that breaking point.
i see and feel you all around, but it's difficult. quite difficult.

you're probably right, i need more time with you. time i've neglected to give in order to avoid these questions i don't necessarily want answers to.

we'll see how it goes.