Canta.

Singing is my vulnerable spot. Probably because I enjoy it (a lot) yet don't feel like my voice holds a candle to the rest of the voices surrounding me.
So when my friend, E said it was finally time to perform this song ("Let That Be Enough" by Switchfoot) outside of his room, for more than five of our closest friends, I said yes. However, I didn't think that Senior Catalyst (InterVarsity's large group gathering put on by the Senior class every year) would be the biggest risk I ever did take in BCF.

That Thursday night was me putting myself out there (I felt the most vulnerable I've ever felt); knowing I wasn't the best singer in our class, that my voice would not be flawless, but deciding to sing anyway.

Singing because I have a story to tell.

A story of redemption- singing with the man that has challenged my mind and caused me to check the motives of my heart. Not to mention that he aggressively encouraged me (for about a year) to do this song. I could not have done it without him. I have learned to much of God's love through him, and learning what it means to live in the constant want of letting God's love be enough for me.
A story of grief- the first time I heard this song was five days after my stepfather passed away, liking this song, and having the melody and the line, "I'm a plane in the sunset with nowhere to land," stuck in my head for a long time after initially hearing it.
A story of healing-a year after, seeing the ways God has been doing a healing work in me. Shattering guilt, shame and reminding me that I am His. That his love is constant, no matter what I fail to do and no matter how I mess up.
My story- it has become a story of dependence on Jesus. Learning more and more what it means to follow him in the moments when I don't know what comes next, the moments when I'm tired, the moments when I think he doesn't know what he's doing.

My life and my story has become this song, and may that be enough.


Amen.

I've Got a River of Life

Today I revisited the Urbana website and got to watching the videos of the talks and worship.
It's actually really nice to hear the talks, sing along with the worship, and simply remember the ways God surprised me and blessed me.

It was nice to listen to Rev. Brenda Salter McNeil's talk about the Samaritan woman, but especially how she entered the convention center, singing. :)

I've got a river of life flowing out of me!
Makes the lame to walk, and the blind to see.
Opens prison doors, sets the captives free!
I've got a river of life flowing out of me!


Spring up, O well, within my soul!
Spring up, O well, and make me whole!
Spring up, O well, and give to me
That life abundantly.

Singin' in the Rain...

How elated must Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly) been after finally having Kathy (Debbie Reynolds) accept to have lunch with him?
He ends up singing and dancing in the rain.

I walked in the rain today, not so much fun. It was running up and down my back, not to mention my face; making it difficult to see anything.
It says something about Don, he really liked Kathy; at least enough to dance and sing because he was so happy.

Why can't I do that?
Why can't I dance and sing and revel in the great things God is doing?
Why can't I sing because I'm so happy?

I often save singing for a time when I'm in community worshipping.
What would it look like if I acted like a fool (like Gene) and just sang and danced my heart out in the rain?
It's tempting. It's raining pretty consistently now, has been for a few hours now.
And if I do gather up the courage to sing, the rain might just drown some of that out. :)

That'll be my unspoken challenge for myself; dancing and singing (moreso if it's raining).
Especially if there's no one there to back me up.

"I'm dancin' and singin' in the rain..."