MOMENTUM: Worship

This is the third entry in my Momentum series, a conference where I was serving and hearing a lot from Jesus as I learned how to transition out of community. Please follow the link to read the first entry, MOMENTUM: Behind the Counter.

Worship has always been special to me. I get to be loud, I get to dance, I get to sing. All without being judged, and usually with a group of folks I love.
So that first weekend with InterVarsity students, seeing them, eating with them (kind of), and seeing them worship instead of worshiping with them... I got a little frustrated.
I wondered why I chose to exit community, to only remind myself a second later that this was for my own good.

It was after lunch, that I started wiping tables, trying to give myself a heart check. It was then when the worship set began, and my heart wanted to start a dance line, sing really loudly and just be worshiping.
At least, the way I knew how.
And then, I had a thought, service is worship. Service because of all I have received, both from Jesus and from friends who guided me into a real relationship with Jesus. What I have done and continue to do as I step into life outside of college, as I realize that worship is not just singing at church or during times when I am surrounded by believers.

Worship because it's all I can do. A heart filled with love, gratitude, service, and a yearning to know Jesus more and more. Service is the way to get there; service is the way to love Jesus and my friends in a way that is completely different than I am used to. But worship just the same.

My series on MOMENTUM continues. Come back and read. :)

MOMENTUM: Behind the Counter

InterVarsity at UCLA has a yearly pre-Fall conference.
MOMENTUM.
(I write it in all caps, because it's a pretty epic name.)
It's a time for InterVarsity staff, leaders and returners (sometimes freshmen) to reunite and vision and bond for the new academic year.
It's an exciting time, I personally think of it as a family reunion: friends who haven't seen each other in months, reunite and share about what God was up to during the summer, both the breathtakingly amazing and the difficult.
 This year it was different for me. I was an "old person", standing and cooking in the kitchen, serving behind the counter instead of planning, listening, mentoring, leading on the other side.
It was hard, but it was necessary.
Many wondered why I decided to exit community, to not stick around in BCF when I would still be around.
The answer is simple: I tend to hold on for too long.

I knew if I stayed, without leading, without intentionally stretching myself spiritually and emotionally,
I wouldn't.
I would enjoy friends, the praise from younger students, the questions of my future... but I wouldn't grow.

So I decided to serve at MOMENTUM for myself just as much as I did for BCF.
(Let's face it, the kids gotta eat.)
But for me, it was more of the beginning of my new role in BCF. One of a servant; still present, but not in the limelight, not the one people call on when things are rough. I needed to tangibly place myself in what would become my life for the next year.
So I served.
And I serve.
I say this as a reminder to myself, as I do for you who reads this.
I love BCF with all of my heart, the ways it has allowed me to see more of Jesus, encouraged me to lead, trained me to become a leader, equipped me to lead well, and challenged me to go (and lead) wherever God is leading me.
So the least I can do is offer what I have: my hands, my feet, my service.

This is the beginning of a six-part series on MOMENTUM, a conference where I was able to listen to God as I served. Please stay tuned.

When Love is Misunderstood

I had spent just about 14 days in our home. You know, post Fresno. I had spent days living, laughing, and eating at home with my mom and my sister. I had even been able to talk to my eldest sister on the phone. It had been a pretty good time, although I was starting to grow bored at the reality of not doing much of anything at home. No job, no volunteer site, nothing to do while my mom and sister were at work. Nothing to do until about 5pm.
I finally decided to be useful. I decided to clean up the kitchen, the place that we all use, but refuse to clean. I decided to wash up dishes, clean up the counters, sweep the floor. I thought, "What a great way to show my family what I learned in Fresno, about servanthood. They're sure to notice a change and ask about it." I finally felt useful.

My mom walked in and asked, "Haber, Sol, dime lo que quieres hacer." In the tone that implied that I was in trouble. She had asked, "Alright, Sol, tell me what you want to do." I explained that I just wanted to help out, by cleaning. By making a more suitable space for her and my sister since they were at work all day.

I felt like I had overstepped boundaries. The tone my mom used was one that told me that she was not happy. I didn't know what to do, did I choose this as the time to explain that I just wanted to serve her? Did I tell her that I didn't want us to live in the mess we'd created for ourselves over the summer? I wanted to explain that I had learned this past summer more about Jesus' love and what it means to serve people even when I'm tired, and because she's my mom, because this is my family...I wanted to do the same for them.

I didn't do either. I decided to let her assume that I was just doing it 'cause I was bored. Because I didn't want to watch tv anymore. It was an opportunity lost for my family to know a little more about why I do what I do. And now I regret it, I regret not taking the risk and telling her.

And so I wait for another chance to explain. And for her to see my love for her through Jesus.