Overwhelmed.

Last night I was overwhelmed and overjoyed at how good (and how crazy Jesus is).
A friend of mine, spent almost two years experiencing more of God and of Jesus than I thought was possible.
Our group of friends, my family, UCLA's InterVarsity chapter watched as my brother, Brian, saw and knew more and more of Jesus.
The climax being Sunday, when he finally accepted Jesus into his heart. Declaring to anyone that would listen his journey, his love and his Truth.
I began to cry a bit as he began to share, starting at the beginning.
Overwhelmed because the same joy that this man of God has, I have too. I know the freedom of which he speaks, the joy and the wonder that is to share it with community.
Overwhelmed because I'm a part of his story, however small that part is, I'm a part of it.
A part of the people that have loved him into a relationship with Jesus.
Overwhelmed because that's what following Jesus is all about, joy in seeing each other's journey and sharing in each other's joy as they recognize Jesus with their heart.
(Happy re-birthday, Baller.)
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And today I was just overwhelmed.
After getting off the bus from Westside Pavilion, and walking back from Big Blue Bus' Line 8 Westwood stop, I was just tired. Unexpected tears flooded my eyes and I had to swallow against the lump growing in my throat. Jesus, I'm tired. I'm tired of being unemployed, of worrying about money. Of not getting called back, of searching aimlessly when I know you have something for me. That was my prayer.
Every single part of me was tired. My body, my soul, my heart. I can't explain why, just the fact that I still don't know where rent money will come from is quite exhausting.

The reminder, You don't make mistakes, feels weaker today than it did Tuesday.
Yet I long to hold onto it.
It's all I have.
All I have left tonight.