Floundering.

This is the first post i've written on an actual keyboard in a long time.

I'm floundering.
Floundering to stay present here when my heart is clearly somewhere else.
In the land where 90 degrees Fahrenheit is cool, where often mischievous 3.5 year old boys run around without pants on, where I can find the most delicious paletas I've ever tasted.
Fresno, CA.

I miss you.
I miss that the neighborhood has changed significantly yet not at all since 2008.
My heart is definitely there.

The trip to Target unnecessary, just like the 36 televisions lining one wall of the store. Too much, everywhere.
Family is trying to understand, but my patience and grace has to be stronger and more faithful than than the learning curve I think is too slow.


I miss the apartment of a thousand guests, a place that was always flowing with people; always filled with grace as we learned to live life together.

I miss that place and am floundering to retain memories, promises and gifts that I was given in the span of 6 weeks.

So today, I'll let the tears fall. Today I'll mourn that I'm here and not there.

I'll mourn that I continue to live here until Jesus calls me wherever he'd like me to go.

Which I deeply, deeply hope is Fresno, California.