frustrated.

i know most of what will come out of this rant will be accusation and pure emotion.
i apologize in advance.

i keep saying that i'm tired and unmotivated.
tonight's no different.
i'm frustrated that people don't value the structures, value Bible study.
don't value that it's a place to speak truth and to hear from jesus amidst
schedules, stress and confusion of school.

then again i'm feeling more frustrated at myself.
i've let this get this way, i haven't pushed for a better study.
i don't really want to.
it's too hard.

i've tried to build community, but my support is lacking.
just gone or withering.
uninterested.
and although i put up the front of a strong leader.
i just wish this were easier, that there were excitement
and that i didn't have to remind everyone of everything.

it's easy to try to give up.
and jesus, You know i want to.
teach me how to be faithful amidst
all of this.

amen.