let's be real.

this sucks.
the reality of leaving my fellowship, BCF, is hitting hard now.
BCF has been what i've known, what i've lived for and where i have received life the past 3 years.

this is scary.
actually, this is pretty terrifying.
(you know my panic face? i'm wearing it right now.)

additionally, i don't like goodbyes. and although i'll be here for the next while i won't be directly investing in the lives of friends that are near.
there aren't words now.
just this feeling of dread.

the image in my head is running across the plateau of a cliff,
running toward the impending edge to ultimately jump off it.
i've been running for 3 years, and now i know the edge is getting closer and closer.

running is easy.
jumping off the cliff is hard,
and
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.