Wednesday, March 17, 2010

i'm not an elephant.

i forget. a lot.

in the times i've spent with jesus this week, i realize that he's doing a lot of things in me.
many of them i was already aware that he's been doing; shaping, molding, refining.

yet, as i sat down today my selfish thoughts of having someone to hold my hand and lean my head against their shoulder became dominant yet again.
instead of thanking God for peace amidst this week of exams and another week of finality, i kept thinking about what i don't have. what i want.

yes, i want a relationship.
i get pretty stubborn about that.

i mope, groan, whine and complain about "why not?" "why not now?" and "but what if...?"
i sit like a spoiled brat on the sidewalk (after storming out of the house for dramatic effect), hoping that her Daddy will come and sit beside her and ask "What's wrong?" "Why are you upset?"
And today, although i was being a spoiled child, and should have been left to remember the lesson again,
He sat next to me, held my hand and said,
You can put your head on my shoulder if you want to.

Jesus, I forget that you know everything about me. That you know the things I want, why I want them and that you hurt when I hurt. Thank you for constantly reaching out to me, giving me the desires of my heart even when I don't deserve them.

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