fork in the road.

do you remember being a kid, having all those amazing dreams?
prima ballerina, fire fighter, rocket scientist... the possibilities were endless.
so was the excitement.

Since October, a new dream came onto the horizon. A dream that I understood, had a passion for and even had acquired some skills to start off well. Since then, I had conversations, dreams and just building excitement for campus ministry. Particularly campus ministry with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship.

In January, the application was due. I was nervous to turn it in, after all the directors and team leaders of the various campuses in the area I was applying to I deeply admire. This was important stuff.

Later the interview day, hanging out with the rest of the intern candidates and beginning to dream what life after college would look like and what it would mean to join the exclusive ranks of the InterVarsity staff. Exciting.

Soon, I met with the area director for Greater Los Angeles, and she offered me and a friend to visit two campuses where we would be potential interns. The area was vastly different than I imagined, and although I continued to grieve the fact that I was leaving the familiar, I held onto the promise that God was leading me into a new season of growth and continued trust in him.

Visiting the campuses was fun! Visiting with seniors I already knew and learning about what God is doing at Pomona-Pitzer and UCI was awesome. I was starting to see this as a very viable change of pace and a blessing as I leaped into something new.

Trying to discern which road I would take in the journey of my life, I faced a fork. Claremont? Irvine? I couldn't really decide. I ultimately landed on a place where I believed was familiar enough yet stretching that I would grow sufficiently as a leader and in my relationship with Jesus.

Friday, as I learned that I was actually not being offered a position as an InterVarsity staff intern, that dream unraveled. I was hurt, disappointed, confused. I still am. I now realize the road had yet another fork in the journey I was looking at.

As of right now, I don't care for that last option. I'm still mourning the loss of the option as an intern, it was something I was looking forward to and already set my heart on.