Tuesday, March 16, 2010

At the beach on a Sunday

I keep talking and thinking about how refreshing going to the beach was last Sunday.
It was great. Just when I felt I needed to get away and unplug from the hustle and bustle of UCLA, a friend offered to drive me.
There were a few things I was holding onto, the InterVarsity internship as well as other emotional things that I felt I needed to let go of in a tangible way.

Arriving at the beach was the most anticipation I've felt in a long time. My feet touched the sand and I was suddenly in a place where I could breathe and I could listen as well as be heard.

I sat and just took in the space. The sand, the water, the people. I soon stood up because of the wind, and started walking along the water. I think better that way, when I'm doing something. My mind soon drifted to my memories on the same beach as a kid, walking with my mom and talking to her about school, dreams for the future and everything a kid tells their mom on a lazy summer day.

Soon the question posed to me by the Big Guy was, what do you want for your life?
That's a pretty big question, Dad.
I soon noticed a few people on the beach: a pregnant woman with her husband and two year old daughter, a young boy jumping into the ocean, as well as an older couple walking through the beach.
That's what I want.
I want to have a family, a few dates along the way, stability...adventure.

I later wrote the interaction that went through my head, in my journal, it reads:

  "I sat on that last one for a bit. Do I really want adventure? Wow, I do. That was kind of a revelation in itself. I felt You whisper, 'that's why you didn't get the internship. You would have stayed in InterVarsity, you would have stayed in LA, you would have STAYED. I want adventure for you.'
There's a moment when you realize you're important to God, that he wants amazing things for you, better than what you want for yourself. I actually heard it from God.
 It was crazy to think that the plans I had for myself, the thing I'd worked toward, God thought was not enough for me. Not enough for me to settle for, for me he wants adventure-to try on a few things and to ultimately settle on what is best for me.A completely different adventure than I had in mind."

I remember that at the beach was an incredible sense of peace, any lingering doubt regarding, "Why?" and "Why not?" were obliterated. 
I was able to see God's goodness, mercy and the intense tenderness he has for me.
Talk about a beautiful Sunday afternoon. :)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Keep smiling, chica :] I like yo smile.