Thursday, February 11, 2010

you're still the one.

you're still the man of my life.
the one i wished picked me up
held me
the one i think of when i look far into my future
i wish you were there.

it's hard for me to see that you chose to not be in my life
you chose to walk away

i don't know what to do with that.

i don't know what it means to prepare for that day
when you might walk back into my life
see, the part of me that loves you just wants to hold you in a tight hug
reminisce and hold your hand
share everything you've missed.
share God's work in my life, the new start to life
a transition to something unclear
uncharted territory...

the other part of me wants to hold you at arms length
show you who i am, what i've become
i know you'd be proud.

a part of me would like to keep you in a corner,
call on you only when i needed to.
isn't that what you sought when you left?
what you always said when you visited?
independence, self-reliance...
i'd like to keep you at arms length.

but when i look into my future,
i still wish you were there.
to be the one that is at my wedding,
introducing you as my dad
with a shy smile that only emerged
while introducing you.

i wonder if that's written as a part of my story.

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