Monday, February 8, 2010

what is this?

this past week i cried a bit. alright, i cried a lot.
it was painful to feel my brokenness at every turn and let Jesus into that.
my friendships were challenging this past week, sometimes filled with joy- but i was very aware of the brokenness in myself holding back.

catalyst was a challenge, i wanted to isolate myself.
i wanted to not really be there.
but this is family... the people that love you. let them love you.
 i did.

doug called us to bless each other... the difficulty of approaching my male friends and pledging friendship and trust was difficult but worth it.
i felt relieved.

so why am i back to that feeling of numbing/apathetic/disconnected?
i want to cry in order to feel some sort of release
but i really don't know what this is....
grief? loss? lack of peace?

i really don't know.
i randomly get quiet, which is usually an indicator that something's wrong.
today, i just wanted to listen and hear what You wanted to say.

What's up, God?

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