Sunday, March 15, 2009

Letters Hold Significant Moments

I was going through a yellow UCLA folder that has a lot of papers in it. For some reason, tonight I was looking through it, and I found a letter that I wrote for a friend at the end of last year. I never mailed it, and now in reading it, I find that my words were significant.
This is how it reads:

December 27, 2008
Hi friend.
I am realizing just how much I love pen and paper- the written word. I have found myself looking more and more toward books, quotes and journaling to help me sort out life and emotions. I like writing, more than I do typing; although it is less efficient.
I just finished watching Ever After, a movie with Drew Barrymore, it is a film I have watched so many times that I know all the lines. Sometimes it's nice to sit with something that's familiar, there's nothing new to expect, you can just sit back. I'd like to hold onto familiarity before 2009 comes around the corner and life reminds me that is waiting in the wings.
This quarter has been difficult, a lot has happened; my life is very different. Sadly, it wasn't the lottery. You've heard of some of this quarter's events. The quarter began by stepping into InterVarsity's leadership, a new living situation and the need to understand my mission at UCLA. As the quarter went on, I learned of Bubba's death and my stepdad being in the hospital. It ultimately ended by my stepfather passing away and me dealing with a broken family and a confused heart.
Even though I know that Jesus has wept with me and that he is holding, I find it difficult to feel close to him. I feel like I have already grieved, but something is also holding me back. I'm usually the girl that is constantly crying, and despite everything that has happened, I haven't cried in weeks. The thing is, I don't know what to do, I pray and try to bear my heart to Jesus, but tears and that sense of release do not come. Talking about it doesn't seem to help, I can talk about it with no problem. I just pray that healing regarding this comes sooner rather than later.

December 28, 2009
I had brunch with my dear friend, Alia (who used to own the dance studio that closed in August). I had brunch with her and her new significant man in her life. His name is Darrin and he has two little girls, Sophia and Sadie. They're really cute.
I realized that I hadn't been around children that age since FUI. Sophia is 7, and Sadie is 3. Things have changed since FUI, I was actually really great with them, I mean really great. I was at ease and held Sadie's hand as we walked into the restaurant for brunch. I do not think I was that at ease with my kids at MLK Square Apartments. It was nice to be invited to their hotel room where they were staying this weekend as well as to High School Musical 3 On Ice. :)

So yes, this is what I wrote about 3 months ago. Some of the words I can't actually believe made it on paper; but I'm still glad they did. It does my soul good to know where I have been and where I currently stand with Jesus.

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